Reflections on a Crazy Year and Projections on a New One

2015 has topped 2012 and earned the title of "Jean's most exciting year."

*applause*

2015 brought me...

my first visit to another country.

my first hostel stay.

my first mission's trip.

my first existential crisis. (wohoo!)

my first real break up.

a heartfelt goodbye to many friends.

my first car.

my first time as a bridesmaid.

my first baseball game.

my first trip outside of my timezone.

my first time driving in a big city.

my first youth ministry job.

an amazing youth group.

amazing co-workers.
my first drive-in movie.

my first white water rafting trip.

love for Hugh Grant.

my first parking ticket.

my first surfing experience.

my first jump on a high dive.

my first attempt at water skiing. (and last)

a killer flip flop tan.

the beginning of my senior year.

a ginormous group of freshmen friends. (and Will)
my first jury duty.

another amazing youth group.

another amazing group of co-workers.

a new love of coffee.

a new love of sports.

a new group of REACHers.

my first speeding ticket.

a dog! (who is my sister's but I like him too)

a position as a writer.

I'm proud of myself because I've done a lot of much needed changing.

Between graduating, visiting the Philippines for the first time, and (hopefully) getting a job and an apartment, 2016 is probably going to be another big one. I'm starting to realize that what I really want is adventure. I might not be able to afford to having exotic over-seas adventures- especially not with the debt I'll have- but I love new experiences and the stories they create.

Change is getting scary. I've called a lot of places home now and sometimes I feel like I have no longer have a home at all. I don't know who will be in my life next year and who won't.

But despite the setbacks, I love the rush of change.

I don't remember my past New Year's resolutions. They must not have been very great. I'm going to try it again though, and this time keep it pretty simple.

Try New Things.

This world may be a battlefield, but it's also a playground.

I want to go find people, places, and art to love, and figure out new ways to love them.

Life is Meaningless and That's Okay!

You know, we're all just going to die. In fact, we can't even handle knowing that, so you probably don't know. Literally all of us do all things to avoid awareness of death.

"The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. And yet I know that one fate befalls them both." Ecclesiastes 2:14

One time I learned that life was meaningless in Philosophy class, and it was actually really freeing. You wouldn't think it'd be, but it was. It took the weight off of me. I had been trying so hard to be important, but when I decided there was no point to that, I was free.

We think being needed or having a goal is fulfilling, but it's actually not. We complete goals just to get new goals. Especially goals like becoming a godly person. Well we can, but why? So that we can get a reward? No, Jesus already gave us that. So that we can be happy? No, that's not what being godly will get us. So that we can save others? No, God doesn't need our help with that. We literally aren't needed. The things we do don't matter. There is no need to do the things we are doing.

Don't freak out, just go with it!

This is hard for us to understand because we don't understand intrinsic value. Consumer culture has taught us that things are only worth something if we can get something out of it- happiness, money, wisdom. I don't even know if we can comprehend something just being valuable. We've commodified God, (Shout out to Skye Jethani for writing a book on this) AND ourselves. We think we're only worth something if something comes from us.

You know what HAS intrinsic value? Life! God! Love! Let's be happy not because we can get something out of them, let's just be happy they exist. Life being pointless makes it more beautiful. We don't NEED to exist- but we get to. God doesn't NEED us, but He made us. We don't HAVE to become godly-but we want to. Just like the son that "helps" his mom make cookies--we're having fun, enjoying life with God. Even though He doesn't need our help, it's still great- because it's valuable as is.

Nothing is even about us. Everything is from God, about God, and for God. The best part of embracing that the things we do are cyclical and unnecessary is that we let go of ourselves- our need to perform and impress and succeed. No expectations, just do what you do and enjoy the stories you see and the people you meet. Nothing needs to come from it.

"There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God. For who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him?" Ecclesiastes 2:24