Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Irmagerd


This is what I thought about as I evacuated Irma.

When I didn't have what I felt I needed, I was at my worst. I was angry and selfish in my thoughts and actions.

When I had what I felt I needed, I was at my best. I was compassionate and generous toward my fellow humans.

It seems to be a pattern of humans, seen most clearly during disasters.

During Irma we struggled to find tangible, material needs like water, food, shelter, and gas.

The rest of the time, I watch this pattern play out emotionally.

I watch people who are loved, love more freely.

I watch people who are hurt, love with reserve.

I see youth with a history of hurt, understandably battle a habit of of distrust and defense. People do not understand the reasons, and they withhold compassion and continue the cycle.

I see youth with consistent, loving mentors believe in themselves and listen well. They learn and thrive and easily receive the love they need to learn and thrive more.

We are all so dependent on one another, more than we know.

I am so thankful for all the people in my life who have showered me with a love so strong that it reaches from the north to South Tampa. You broke a bad cycle, and I'm ready to do the same for others.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Vow of Silence


"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires." 
James 1:19-20


There was a time when I considered the command for silence to be optional.
Loudly interrupting everything. Afraid of not being heard.
Anxious to speak. Afraid of missing my turn.
I was the kid who would not shut up.

Now I am the adult who will not shut up.

Although I am decently trained in the physical act of closing my mouth,
the same fear remains.

These past few months it has been painfully obvious that I need to shut up.

As I end the struggle to prove myself worthy,
I hope to find that it was never needed.
 Talk Listen to you later,
Jean



"Cease striving and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10a 

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Always an Experiment

"The Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"
Psalm 27:1


I am now 4 months into actual adulthood and I am so overwhelmed.

As my work-load increases it becomes harder to work. For me, and those like me, this is a familiar pattern.

In fact, the enneagram test is what brought my attention to this pattern. I am a 7, which means I like to put a lot on my plate but I become lazy when I am stressed. Click here if you want to learn more about that.

My lack of motivation arises from fear.
I want to be accomplished and recognized.
When I near completing something I begin to fear that I will fail--and be seen as a failure.
So I avoid finishing the jobs I start-- to delay the failure.

I procrastinate and the reason is fear of failure.

The domino effect of revelations this information brought were ridiculous and so helpful.

Especially when paired with this piece of advice I received from my college advisor while discussing my new job as Youth Director of a church.


"Present everything as an experiment, because experiments don't fail."

If you have promised results that do not come, respect and trust are lost.

When I think of the task I was given--to build a ministry from the ground up in a place I had never been-- I realize that I need to present everything as an experiment because everything is an experiment.

I have never done this before and I am working with people who have never done this before. That alone makes this an experiment--but I am reminded of that in all my daily tasks.

What I forget is that people cannot be controlled. People are the variable.

We can and should learn about people, study demographics and ministry models-- but there is never an 100% guarantee that what we do will grow the church because there is no magic human formula. We are dynamic, like the one in whose image we are made. We make choices, grow and change.

Our responsibility is to create the space, organize and love, but the outcome is not our responsibility. The outcome is not in our control, no matter how well we do our job.

When I remember that I can't control the outcome a weight is lifted from my shoulders-the weight that comes from pride, the need to succeed and the fear of failure.

This is and always will be an experiment.

If in 5 years our church has 500 members, our work will still be an experiment...

If I plan a lesson for teenagers that I've known for a years, it will still be an experiment...


If we advertise using a strategic marketing plan, it will still be an experiment...


...and experiments do not fail.

So why should I be afraid?

I do not control the results but my work is done for the One who does.

It is this truth that calms my restless, worried thoughts, and gives me the courage to continue.


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Friday, December 11, 2015

Things I Wish I had Said.

Over time, I've developed a list of things I wish I had said. Even without their context, I want to say them.

"Do you really want my opinion, or for me to affirm yours?"

"Did you hear my story, or just opportunities to invalidate it?"

"There are older, smarter, and wiser people who disagree."

"If you can't say it in front of me, is it truth or just disrespectful?"

"If you have to counter everything, you're speaking out of fear, not confidence."

"I don't think that's funny."

"People who were wrong were persecuted too."

"I don't think you love truth, I think you love knowing truth."

I don't want anyone to respond, but if you must: Take enough time to dwell on the words, so that you can feel the irony when you do.

Tata,
Jean

Friday, December 4, 2015

Women and Ministry

I did not ever intend for my blog to contain something of this nature, but I have grown increasingly frustrated and passionate about this topic.

To preface this: I am still a student, not an expert, and I acknowledge that, as a ministry student, I am personally invested in this topic. However, as a student who grew up in a complementarian church, my foundation was built upon the opposing position, and I feel that gives this argument some extra weight. As a female ministry student in her senior year, I have explored this topic in greater depth than the majority of those who would read my blog.

The complementarian viewpoint comes with one of two implications.
1. That women do not have the capacity to achieve the same or greater amount of wisdom or leadership ability as men.
2. That if a women has achieved a greater level of wisdom or leadership ability than the men in a her church, she should yield to a man with less wisdom or leadership ability.

The frequent expression, "Equality does not denote sameness" used as a clarifier for egalitarians is often a misconception of what egalitarian stand for. I don't think men and women are the same (though I personally think that is largely the result of social construction-but that doesn't effect my argument here), I think they both have unique gifts and personalities. One of the gifts that I do not believe is gender specific is leadership ability. I am arguing for leadership to be given as a role based on individuals ability to lead, not by gender.

Eastern culture, in which the bible was written, looks at rules in a much more fluid way. Where rules are given, exceptions are acceptable and expected. See "Misreading Scripture Through Western Eyes" for more information regarding that. Paul speaks against women leading over men (1 Timothy 2:12), but he also affirms Pheobe, a church deacon, and Junia, a woman apostle (more specifically a highly esteemed apostle.) "Because most people in Mediterranean antiquity were functionally illiterate, those who could read and speak well generally assumed teaching roles, an--with rare exceptions--these were men." (Keener) Men were more likely educated, so it is fitting, though not definitive, to say that Paul's restrictions on women leadership were due to women's lack of education--especially in light of Paul's affirmation of women leaders and eastern cultures outlook on rules.

In Romans 16 Paul greets women alongside many men, affirming their ministry. The word used to describe Pheobe as a Deacon in Romans 16:1 is translated by the ESV as servant. This would be a likely if the word was feminine. The word used is the masculine form of "Diakonos" which indicates a specific title. The name Junia being a female name is questioned. However, why have we questioned Pheobe's authority or Junia's gender? Do we assume it is unlikely because of our understanding of Paul's stance on women in ministry? If that is the case, my previous paragraph holds my argument against that. What other reason did we have to question it other than its lack of alignment with the Churches current theology?

In fact, Paul was one of the more progressive writers of his day. Knowing that, some consider these strong affirmations toward the ministry of the women he greets, which greatly surpasses the affirmation given to the men, in Romans 16, as written with the purpose of breaking down the prejudice against women in that day.

To consider these observations as a mere reliance upon human wisdom over the bible is hypocritical. Human wisdom is always a factor in biblical interpretation, and it is not more so here than it is with complementarianism. It seems irresponsible to favor the factors that affirm the churches past theology over the ones that challenge it. I regard tradition as important, but I do not think tradition holds more authority than scripture. Paul's direction for women to not teach over men and his strong affirmation of women church leaders should be viewed in equal light.

I'll admit I know less about Galatians 3:28 which says: "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." It is undisputed that this passage is speaking about salvation. The thing is- the salvation Jesus brought was not solely for our life after death. Jesus was fulfilling the law left and right, challenging the current ways of life to restore his original creation. Jesus came to break down the wall created through the fall. He promised a restoration of what was intended for creation-- and if man ruling over women was a result of the fall, what does that say about God's intended order and the new promise we are working toward?

Listed with "man and women" is "Jew nor Gentile." The Jews were running the Christianity show- making the decisions over the gentiles. This passage is thought to be a breaking down of that authority gap--granting Gentiles the opportunity to discern truth and guide the church and we are all a product of this change in posture. So why do we see the distinction of "Jew nor Gentile" as a breaking down of the authority gap and not "man nor women."

It is true that groups work best when one person is given authority and I do think it is plausible that God assigned a specific type of person to that position. A common misconception about egalitarianism I've encountered is that women want to either lead over men or co-lead and make joint decisions. I do consider having a leader designated beneficial.

To say that only one view or the other is biblical is condescending. Both sides demonstrate high regard for scripture in their reasoning and both readings of scripture are in part hindered by the readers' bias. Nothing that I said is definitive proof--but it is sound reasoning grounded by biblical support.

I am open to conversations about this, but not arguments-- and not over the internet.

Further reading:

Keener, Craig S. "Was Paul for or Against Women in Ministry?" Enrichment Journal. The General Council of Assemblies of God, 2015. Web. 4 Dec. 2015. <http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200102/082_paul.cfm>.
Richards, E. Randolph, and Brandon J. O'Brien. Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes: Removing Cultural Blinders to Better Understand the Bible. Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2012. Print.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Life is Meaningless and That's Okay!

You know, we're all just going to die. In fact, we can't even handle knowing that, so you probably don't know. Literally all of us do all things to avoid awareness of death.

"The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. And yet I know that one fate befalls them both." Ecclesiastes 2:14

One time I learned that life was meaningless in Philosophy class, and it was actually really freeing. You wouldn't think it'd be, but it was. It took the weight off of me. I had been trying so hard to be important, but when I decided there was no point to that, I was free.

We think being needed or having a goal is fulfilling, but it's actually not. We complete goals just to get new goals. Especially goals like becoming a godly person. Well we can, but why? So that we can get a reward? No, Jesus already gave us that. So that we can be happy? No, that's not what being godly will get us. So that we can save others? No, God doesn't need our help with that. We literally aren't needed. The things we do don't matter. There is no need to do the things we are doing.

Don't freak out, just go with it!

This is hard for us to understand because we don't understand intrinsic value. Consumer culture has taught us that things are only worth something if we can get something out of it- happiness, money, wisdom. I don't even know if we can comprehend something just being valuable. We've commodified God, (Shout out to Skye Jethani for writing a book on this) AND ourselves. We think we're only worth something if something comes from us.

You know what HAS intrinsic value? Life! God! Love! Let's be happy not because we can get something out of them, let's just be happy they exist. Life being pointless makes it more beautiful. We don't NEED to exist- but we get to. God doesn't NEED us, but He made us. We don't HAVE to become godly-but we want to. Just like the son that "helps" his mom make cookies--we're having fun, enjoying life with God. Even though He doesn't need our help, it's still great- because it's valuable as is.

Nothing is even about us. Everything is from God, about God, and for God. The best part of embracing that the things we do are cyclical and unnecessary is that we let go of ourselves- our need to perform and impress and succeed. No expectations, just do what you do and enjoy the stories you see and the people you meet. Nothing needs to come from it.

"There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God. For who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him?" Ecclesiastes 2:24


Saturday, July 4, 2015

Striving After Wind

"I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind." Ecclesiastes 1:14
 I once went a weekend without talking. At first it was a little bit for fun, a little bit for my raspy voice, and a little bit because I was feeling awkward and unable to communicate anyway. But it eventually became a window to reality. At some point God poked me and said, "actually this was all my plan," through a few comments and circumstances. So really, I don't even get credit for choosing to do this.

Anyway, I can't even remember all the things I learned that weekend. Usually when we're speaking our mind is fixated on ourselves somehow, (on what we want, on how people see us, on our observations...etc.) and without speaking my attention was up for grabs.

I remember feeling out of control. I remember feeling relief from my constant need to perform. I remember listening longer and deeper than ever before. I also learned of my insignificance- which sounds awful, but it's actually not.

I had a little board to write things on, but it could only work for short, essential things. I couldn't give any actual input into a conversation. After a while, I started to realize that my input wasn't needed. Someone always said what I was going to say. Sometimes right away, sometimes after a while. Truth is, my words weren't really needed.
"That which has been is that which will be, And that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun." Eclessiastes 1:9
The truth just... exists. We aren't creating it or untangling it when we speak of it, we are observing it. It was the same before I spoke and will be the same after I speak. How much I understand it does not effect my significance. It's there for anyone to see at anytime. With or without me, people can and will find it. The truth does what it wants and doesn't need my help.

I gain nothing from understanding it. In fact, sometimes it becomes burdensome.

But I love the truth, so I think I'll chase it anyway.