"The Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"
Psalm 27:1
I am now 4 months into actual adulthood and I am so overwhelmed.
As my work-load increases it becomes harder to work. For me, and those like me, this is a familiar pattern.
In fact, the enneagram test is what brought my attention to this pattern. I am a 7, which means I like to put a lot on my plate but I become lazy when I am stressed. Click here if you want to learn more about that.
My lack of motivation arises from fear.
I want to be accomplished and recognized.
When I near completing something I begin to fear that I will fail--and be seen as a failure.
So I avoid finishing the jobs I start-- to delay the failure.
I procrastinate and the reason is fear of failure.
The domino effect of revelations this information brought were ridiculous and so helpful.
Especially when paired with this piece of advice I received from my college advisor while discussing my new job as Youth Director of a church.
"Present everything as an experiment, because experiments don't fail."
If you have promised results that do not come, respect and trust are lost.
When I think of the task I was given--to build a ministry from the ground up in a place I had never been-- I realize that I need to present everything as an experiment because everything is an experiment.
I have never done this before and I am working with people who have never done this before. That alone makes this an experiment--but I am reminded of that in all my daily tasks.
What I forget is that people cannot be controlled. People are the variable.
We can and should learn about people, study demographics and ministry models-- but there is never an 100% guarantee that what we do will grow the church because there is no magic human formula. We are dynamic, like the one in whose image we are made. We make choices, grow and change.
Our responsibility is to create the space, organize and love, but the outcome is not our responsibility. The outcome is not in our control, no matter how well we do our job.
When I remember that I can't control the outcome a weight is lifted from my shoulders-the weight that comes from pride, the need to succeed and the fear of failure.
This is and always will be an experiment.
If in 5 years our church has 500 members, our work will still be an experiment...
If I plan a lesson for teenagers that I've known for a years, it will still be an experiment...
If we advertise using a strategic marketing plan, it will still be an experiment...
...and experiments do not fail.
So why should I be afraid?
I do not control the results but my work is done for the One who does.
It is this truth that calms my restless, worried thoughts, and gives me the courage to continue.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
