Chess and Failed Plans

I’ve taught two or three middle schooler’s chess now. Usually their second or third game is their worst game.

After they learn how to play, they eagerly develop a plan or two. Without a lot of experience playing chess, the plan seem solid. Not until the game actually begins do they realize their plan was built on assumptions about what their opponent would do and what they could do. They look for a way to accomplish their plan, and miss what’s happening on the board.

Then I crush ‘em.

Every game is different. You have to craft your strategy as the game unfolds.

I graduated college with a lot of plans, but I learned that my plans, and all plans have an assumed context. When I plan a lesson I forecast students’ interests, needs, prior knowledge, focus…. 

Mindfulness of those elements is important and the longer I am with a group the better my forecasts… but as life unfolds, the world, the students, and the context all change.

I change, too.

Trial and error has been a big part of my post-graduation life. Sometimes well-developed plans fall flat and impromptu decisions carry great impact. I do not intend to stop planning, I just want to pay attention to what is happening around me.

Lately, this has been through contemplative prayer. When I sit still, I begin to recognize God’s presence and His work in the people and places around me. It feels a bit like playing chess— my next move is better when I’m connected to the one who made the game.

"[Mary] sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:39b-42 NIV

Irmagerd

This is what I thought about as I evacuated Irma.

When I didn't have what I felt I needed, I was at my worst. I was angry and selfish in my thoughts and actions.

When I had what I felt I needed, I was at my best. I was compassionate and generous toward my fellow humans.

It seems to be a pattern of humans, seen most clearly during disasters.

During Irma we struggled to find tangible, material needs like water, food, shelter, and gas.

The rest of the time, I watch this pattern play out emotionally.

I watch people who are loved, love more freely.

I watch people who are hurt, love with reserve.

I see youth with a history of hurt, understandably battle a habit of of distrust and defense. People do not understand the reasons, and they withhold compassion and continue the cycle.

I see youth with consistent, loving mentors believe in themselves and listen well. They learn and thrive and easily receive the love they need to learn and thrive more.

We are all so dependent on one another, more than we know.

I am so thankful for all the people in my life who have showered me with a love so strong that it reaches from the north to South Tampa. You broke a bad cycle, and I'm ready to do the same for others.

Always an Experiment

"The Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"

Psalm 27:1

I am now 4 months into actual adulthood and I am so overwhelmed.

As my work-load increases it becomes harder to work. For me, and those like me, this is a familiar pattern.

In fact, the enneagram test is what brought my attention to this pattern. I am a 7, which means I like to put a lot on my plate but I become lazy when I am stressed. Click here if you want to learn more about that.

My lack of motivation arises from fear.
I want to be accomplished and recognized.
When I near completing something I begin to fear that I will fail--and be seen as a failure.
So I avoid finishing the jobs I start-- to delay the failure.

I procrastinate and the reason is fear of failure.

The domino effect of revelations this information brought were ridiculous and so helpful.

Especially when paired with this piece of advice I received from my college advisor while discussing my new job as Youth Director of a church.

"Present everything as an experiment, because experiments don't fail."

If you have promised results that do not come, respect and trust are lost.

When I think of the task I was given--to build a ministry from the ground up in a place I had never been-- I realize that I need to present everything as an experiment because everything is an experiment.

I have never done this before and I am working with people who have never done this before. That alone makes this an experiment--but I am reminded of that in all my daily tasks.

What I forget is that people cannot be controlled. People are the variable.

We can and should learn about people, study demographics and ministry models-- but there is never an 100% guarantee that what we do will grow the church because there is no magic human formula. We are dynamic, like the one in whose image we are made. We make choices, grow and change.

Our responsibility is to create the space, organize and love, but the outcome is not our responsibility. The outcome is not in our control, no matter how well we do our job.

When I remember that I can't control the outcome a weight is lifted from my shoulders-the weight that comes from pride, the need to succeed and the fear of failure.

This is and always will be an experiment.

If in 5 years our church has 500 members, our work will still be an experiment...

If I plan a lesson for teenagers that I've known for a years, it will still be an experiment...

If we advertise using a strategic marketing plan, it will still be an experiment...

...and experiments do not fail.

So why should I be afraid?

I do not control the results but my work is done for the One who does.

It is this truth that calms my restless, worried thoughts, and gives me the courage to continue.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30