Living Well

Do you ever stop caring?

I do.

All my life, ministry has focused on learning.
New perspectives and inspiring stories.
Step by steps and life tips.

I experienced ministry in this way: as a learner or a teacher.

It is through education that I was discipled.
The idea that understanding and believing truth,
will inspire me to live well.
The idea that knowing and following certain steps,
will make this walk easier.

& they do.

 But even so, I sometimes stop caring.
My steps are the same but I head another direction.


Peter Rollins argues that people are not the object of our desire
in the way money and beauty are.
Our relationship with people is fundamentally different.

He says that relationships are the source of our desire.

Broken relationships,
whether real or perceived,
remove all passion from me.

I know and believe what I did before,
but it no longer matters to me.
I stop caring.

Looking back on my seasons of loneliness,
it was through gentle conversations,
with friends who listen,
that I found motivation to continue.

It is love that gives me reason to live well.

Love, Jean

Reflections on a Crazy Year and Projections on a New One

2015 has topped 2012 and earned the title of "Jean's most exciting year."

*applause*

2015 brought me...

my first visit to another country.

my first hostel stay.

my first mission's trip.

my first existential crisis. (wohoo!)

my first real break up.

a heartfelt goodbye to many friends.

my first car.

my first time as a bridesmaid.

my first baseball game.

my first trip outside of my timezone.

my first time driving in a big city.

my first youth ministry job.

an amazing youth group.

amazing co-workers.
my first drive-in movie.

my first white water rafting trip.

love for Hugh Grant.

my first parking ticket.

my first surfing experience.

my first jump on a high dive.

my first attempt at water skiing. (and last)

a killer flip flop tan.

the beginning of my senior year.

a ginormous group of freshmen friends. (and Will)
my first jury duty.

another amazing youth group.

another amazing group of co-workers.

a new love of coffee.

a new love of sports.

a new group of REACHers.

my first speeding ticket.

a dog! (who is my sister's but I like him too)

a position as a writer.

I'm proud of myself because I've done a lot of much needed changing.

Between graduating, visiting the Philippines for the first time, and (hopefully) getting a job and an apartment, 2016 is probably going to be another big one. I'm starting to realize that what I really want is adventure. I might not be able to afford to having exotic over-seas adventures- especially not with the debt I'll have- but I love new experiences and the stories they create.

Change is getting scary. I've called a lot of places home now and sometimes I feel like I have no longer have a home at all. I don't know who will be in my life next year and who won't.

But despite the setbacks, I love the rush of change.

I don't remember my past New Year's resolutions. They must not have been very great. I'm going to try it again though, and this time keep it pretty simple.

Try New Things.

This world may be a battlefield, but it's also a playground.

I want to go find people, places, and art to love, and figure out new ways to love them.

Change

"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

I have this great friend that once told me that he doesn't miss people. This was really surprising, because he had been away from his home for over two years.

I responded with something like, "What?! Not even your parents? Are you not close to them?" He then explained to me that missing them had nothing to do with how much he cared about them, he's just usually distracted and not thinking about them.

I have a very difficult time handling separation from my friends, so when he told me this I assumed him to be a super-human that experienced life differently. After chewing on his words for a bit, I realized he just happened to me more self aware than me.

My idea of love came with the implication that separation from friends meant missing them. I thought if I didn't miss a person, I didn't love them very much. I thought if I was completely content without them, I didn't love them very much. I thought that if enough time passed without me missing them, that would mean they aren't as special to me.

So I'm currently living in Lewis Hall with a whole lot of new people, while all of the people I once saw and hung out with everyday are living in apartments and off campus. I've been missing people and crying--but the real reason isn't because I just love them so much that I can't live without them, it's because I'm trying to hold onto the gifts God gave me before out of a fear that what He's giving me now won't be as great.

I do wish that I could keep all my friends in my life forever, and it is sad that they are gone-- but their absence in my life now does not make their presence in my past any less beautiful. I will always love them. If I try to love by holding on too tight, then I'll miss out on the love I have for these new people.

And there is one consistency in my life. Change keeps me aware of my need for God-for that reason alone I consider it beautiful.

"Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away." Matthew 24:34-35